


Ten Years Gone

by Mathais



Category: Digimon Tamers
Genre: Cameos from Other Digimon Series, F/M, M/M, Multi, Non-explicit mentions of platonic sex, Single Father, Single Father!Jianliang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-25 08:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathais/pseuds/Mathais
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after a major event, Jianliang reflects on his life, both past and present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Reflection on Ten Years

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and elements of Digimon Tamers; they're Bandai and Toei's.
> 
> Notes: So... I'm a huge Jianliang/Takato fan, but I've never written anything for it. I decided to rectify that with a one-shot, except it started growing and growing until it reached way too long. I'm splitting this story into three or so parts, and most of the second is already written. I hope you all enjoy it.
> 
> Translation Notes: Japanese people call Jianliang "Jenrya", a habit that I picked up from [Taiki Matsuki](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2529524/Taiki-Matsuki)'s work; similar things will happen for characters with Chinese names. I'm using Cantonese for the Li's Chinese dialect, though their names are pronounced using Mandarin. Full translation notes are at the end of each chapter.

Jianliang lifted a glass of amber liquid into the air.  The full moon shone through the clear crystal, disturbed only by the drink within.  For a moment, he was entranced by the way light bounced off the glass and its condensation and by the shift and tinkle of ice tumbling against each other.

He normally wasn't one to drink at home.  He'd grown out of that after college.  But today was a special day, so he allowed himself to indulge.

Jianliang raised the glass to his lips and tilted his head back.  The whiskey went down smooth.  He savored the burn as it slithered down his throat and came to a rest in his belly as a warm weight.  As he refilled his cup, all he could think was, _"Thank you, Ruki."_ The second round quickly went the way of the first, and soon a third was in his hand.

This time, Jianliang leaned back in his seat, for once putting his feet on his desk.  A pleasant sort of haziness settled over his senses.  From experience, he knew that he was only barely tipsy, but he wanted to drink a little, not get drunk.  It wouldn't hurt to take things slow, even if today made him feel maudlin.

Jianliang's eyes strayed to his calendar.  It was pretty much one of the few non-digital items he had, each day crossed out with an X as a ritual passing of time.  Today's date wasn't marked off in some spectacular way.  There wasn't a giant red circle around it, no scribbled notes explaining its significance.

It didn't need them.

Jianliang knew the significance of this day.  He knew it without needing to even see.  He required no special reminder, not for this.

Delicately, he lifted the small desk calendar, thumb brushing over the unmarked square. "Ten years, huh," Jianliang sighed out. "It's really been ten years." He barely tasted the next sip of his whiskey, lost in his memories as he was.

Though the events of that day tended to creep up on him at unexpected times, he rarely let himself dwell on it.  Only on the day itself did he allow himself to reflect, to revisit the past fully.

Taking another sip from his glass and letting the liquid courage flow through him, Jianliang opened his top desk drawer, which was usually locked against curious eyes.

An old photo, worn from age and repeated handling, sat at the top of the pile.  Two boys mugged for the camera held by one of them, grinning gleefully upward, one boy's arm around the other.

Before he realized it, the third glass was gone as he stared at the picture.  Jianliang carefully set his glass down on his desk, though his other hand still held the photo.  He wasn't crying—time had done enough to curb that—but he did feel melancholy settle into his shoulders.  The weight had never really left him, though he learned to deal with it, even if he couldn't quite shake it off.

Jianliang sighed. "Ten years," he repeated.  Twelve, thirteen since that photo. "When did I get so old?" he murmured almost absently.  Jianliang's finger traced over his young face, which sported a bright, unabashed happy grin that had been so rare for his introverted younger self.  His heart didn't quite ache, but it did feel odd, thick, in his chest.  And then his finger brushed over the other face, and this time his heart did ache.

Time may have dulled the pain, but that didn't mean it wasn't still present.

A name came up on his lips, but before it could pass, there was a soft, almost plaintive knock on his door.  Jianliang almost jolted out of his seat in surprise.  As he relocked the photo into the drawer, he called out, "Yes?"

" _Baba_ , I had a nightmare," came the quiet, shaking voice.

Jianliang swiftly stood, but not before he grabbed a few breath mints and popped them into his mouth.

After all, it wouldn't do to meet your son with alcohol on your breath.

**OoOoO**

Jianliang texted Ruki the next day at work as he pored over his code. _That was good whiskey,_ he wrote.

 _When do I ever go wrong with alcohol?_ came Ruki's reply, and Jianliang didn't need to imagine the smug tone.

 _Right out of college, jello shots,_ he reminded her.

 _That was Ryo's fault,_ she texted back almost instantly. _If it weren't for his cheap-ass vodka, it wouldn't have ended up that way._

_You were so lucky my parents had Jin'an that weekend._

_Didn't want your kid to see you with the shits, huh?_

_No,_ was Jianliang's terse reply.

 _Ryo's free tonight,_ Ruki went on as she switched topics. _Do you want to meet up at the usual place?_

 _My mom said she'd take care of Jin'an tonight, so sure._ Jianliang quickly glanced up and then back to his phone. _Supervisor.  Bouncing._

Jianliang quickly shoved his phone behind his computer monitor and went back to his code, fingers flying at frightening speed.  The sound of a clicking lighter preceded the arrival of his supervisor, and though he was well aware of his presence, Jianliang's eyes did not stray from his screen.

He was startled anyway when his supervisor cleared his throat and stepped into his cubicle.  Jianliang turned and said, "Yes, sir?"

"How are things going, Li?" Even having known him for over half his life, Mitsuo Yamaki, overseer of Hypnos, had never quite stopped being an intimidating figure for him, especially after he became his boss.

"They're right on track, sir," Jianliang said promptly.

"Good," Yamaki confirmed with another click of his lighter.  Jianliang, though he continued to type, found that his hands were shaking.  Having Yamaki scrutinize you, even if you were on friendly terms with the man, had a pressure Jianliang only found matched by the Digital World. "Is that a new photo of your son?"

Startled once more, Jianliang looked up.  His eyes moved to the picture next to his screen, and then they softened.

"Yes, we took it a month ago." He reached over and picked up the frame, offering it wordlessly to Yamaki. "We went to the aquarium."

Yamaki mulled over the image as Jianliang turned back to his work before he lost his train of thought.  With this algorithm, he needed to...

"It's cute," Yamaki said finally.  Jianliang smiled and agreed. "Reika wants you to bring your son over again.  Sayaka misses her 'Jin-nii-chan.'"

"I'll make sure to set it up," Jianliang said.  With the click of his lighter, Yamaki walked off, and Jianliang barely held himself back from breathing a sigh of relief.

The two of them had known each other for years; he'd learned much of his trade from the older man when he wasn't being tutored by the Wild Bunch themselves.  It was humbling to see the techniques and knowledge which spanned generations.  The time they'd spent with him as well as their connections served him well, first getting him into an American college and then as a software engineer at Hypnos.

After so much time working under and with Yamaki, Jianliang could finally call them friends—off the clock, at least.  On the clock, he was still one of the scariest men that Jianliang knew.

Time flew as Jianliang worked through the day.  When he typed, he got into his zone, and everything seemed to melt away.  It was only when he looked down at his clock that he realized it was almost time to leave to pick Jin'an up from school.  Jianliang quickly committed his changes to the code and made sure that nothing broke.  Yamaki had already left by this point, while his fellow coworkers were beginning to pack up as well.

Jianliang politely turned down the offer for drinks afterward, citing familial obligations.  More than a few of his co-workers told him that their kids should meet up again.  Jianliang nodded and said the appropriate things, but he was extremely conscious of time.  If he wanted to be at the primary school in time, he needed to leave.  Jianliang made his way to the train, where he released a sigh of relief.  Through packed tightly in rush hour traffic, he was sheltered in a shield of anonymity that made him finally, finally able to relax a fraction.

The day after was always crap, if he wasn't hungover.  For the entire train ride, Jianliang didn't think, just mindlessly surfed the internet on his phone.  If he didn't think, he didn't feel, and he could push everything to the edge of his consciousness.  He was like that up until he made it to the school, briefcase in hand.  Jin'an hung around the playground after classes ended, so unlike his reclusive father.

Then again, at Jin'an's age, he didn't exactly have many friends.

He stepped into the school grounds, bowing to one of the attendant teachers.  The teacher bowed back and directed him toward his son.  For a moment, Jianliang just looked.

Jin'an ran around the field, laughing joyously in a game of tag.  He was sort of tiny like a seven-year-old should be, but he raced around the playground with speed and fitness and boundless good cheer.  His clothes were scuffed and dirty, but it looked like he wasn't being beat-up—rather, it was the normal grime and wear of outdoor playing.  Warmth burst in his chest, as it often did, at the sight of his happy son.

It made him think that things were all right.

Jianliang may have spent a little too long off to the side, because Jin'an abruptly turned and yelped, " _Baba!_ " The runner chasing him couldn't stop in time, sending both sprawling to the ground.  Warmth bubbled in his chest once more, only this time due to mirth and repressed laughter.

Jianliang fought a smile as he strode over to his son. "Are you all right there, Jin'an?"

" _Baba_!" Jin'an groaned. "You didn't see that!"

"If you say so," Jianliang said, a grin finally breaking out of his face.

" _Baba_!" Jin'an whined. "Ack, Takeshi, get offa me!" He struggled to get up, but it was a futile effort as long as the other boy was on top of him.

"Nah, not just yet," Takeshi said with a grin. "Sorry Li-san, but there's something I have to take care of."

"Oh, go ahead," Jianliang said easily.

Takeshi's grin spanned his face as he lowered his hands, and Jin'an was soon squealing helplessly in laughter from Takeshi's fingers digging into his sides.  Jianliang crouched low and watched his son chortle uninhibitedly, with Takeshi's smile growing ever wider and his other friends gathering around.

Yes, this made it all worth it.

Eventually, Jin'an pleaded for mercy, and Takeshi reluctantly gave it.  Jin'an punched Takeshi as he stood up, but it was only a friendly jab with none of the strength Jianliang knew his son had.

Takeshi still flinched at the impact.

Jianliang smiled indulgently and brushed some dirt off of Jin'an's clothes. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep!" Jin'an nodded cheerfully and ran off for his bag.

"Sorry about that, Li-san," Takeshi said with a bow, "but I couldn't resist."

"It's fine," Jianliang dismissed. "Thanks for being his friend, Takeshi-kun."

"It's no problem.  Jin'an's fun to be around." Jianliang's eyebrows nearly shot up at the way the Mandarin pronunciation for his son's name with tones rolled off his tongue easily.  Most still used the straightforward Japanese pronunciation.  Before he could dwell on it, Jin'an appeared again.

"I'm ready!" Jin'an called as he bounced back.  He quickly said his farewells to his friends, and the father-son pair was soon on the train.

"I'm heading to _Yehyeh_ and _Mahmah_ 's place, aren't I?" Jin'an said quietly.

Jianliang dropped his hand to Jin'an's head and ruffled the messy hair, the exact same shade of blue as his own. "Yep.  Your _Yehyeh_ and _Mahmah_ want to see you."

"I always go to their place today," Jin'an continued, though he didn't shake off the hand on his head. "If not with them, then either _Daaiyeh_ or _Guma_.  What's so special about today?"

Of course Jin'an would be curious.  The only reason Jianliang didn't pinch his brow in frustration was because he didn't have enough hands.  He instead ruffled his son's hair again and said, "I spend today with Ruki-san and Ryo-san."

Jin'an hummed thoughtfully. "Okay, _Baba_!"

Thankfully, he was still young enough that, even if he did begin to question, he was easily placated.

It may have been due to his time abroad, but Jianliang was more affectionate than the typical Japanese—or Chinese, for that matter—father.  He shifted his briefcase to his other hand and ruffled his son's hair.  Jin'an squirmed but took it like a man.

Jianliang questioned his son about his day.  Jin'an cheerfully chatted about what he was reading and moaned about how easy math was.  He mentioned an incident where someone commented on how much of a nerd he was, though Takeshi stood up for him.

"But I can take care of myself!" Jin'an said with a pumped fist. "I'm one of the fastest in the class!"

Jianliang outright smiled. "That you are," he said.  Jin'an's skin was sun-kissed tone that he himself had only obtained as a teenager, and the boy had a hyperactive nature that he certainly hadn't inherited from him.  It was in the way he bounced and moved that he found Michelle, his dear Michelle, again. "I was there for your Sports Day, remember?"

Jin'an grinned and hugged him. "I'm glad you made it!  Anyway, Takeshi yelled at him until he stopped, so I gave him some of my snacks at lunch!"

"Good for you," Jianliang praised. "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to make anything special for today."

"Leftovers are great!" His son proclaimed. "Most of my friends' dads can't cook as well as you can!"

"Biased, huh?" teased Jianliang, but it warmed his heart anyway.

"I like your cooking!" Jin'an insisted.  Jianliang had to hold back chuckles when Jin'an's nose twitched and he amended, "Even if you make me eat icky carrots."

"Carrots are good for you," Jianliang scolded playfully. "You need to eat them."

"But they're disgusting," Jin'an whined, "Just...  not even you can make them taste good!"

"They're good for you," Jianliang rebuked, relishing in the familiar argument.  The two of them bickered the entire way until they were at his parents' apartment.

Though he'd long since given back his key when he moved out, even ringing the doorbell felt like coming home in some small way.  This apartment was the one in which he'd spent eighteen years of his life.  And though it was a place where, as a kid, he'd felt stifled between his overbearing older siblings and his demanding younger one, time and distance had done much to dispel the lingering resentment.  Now, Jianliang wanted to share all of this with his son.

"Jianliang!" his mom exclaimed as she opened the door.  She swept him into a hug before dropping a head to Jin'an's head and ruffling his hair. "Hello, Jin'an." She quickly migrated from ruffling his hair to pinching his cheeks.

" _Mahmah_ ," Jin'an whined. "I saw you last week!"

"I know," she allowed, "but you're just so cute!" With one last tug, she released him and let them in.

"Guys aren't cure!" Jin'an grumbled, rubbing his cheek. "We're manly!"

"Maybe when you're a little older," his mom replied. "Right now, you're just a boy and a cute one at that."

A fond smile crossed Jianliang's face. "Listen to your _Mahmah_ , Jin'an.  It'll save you a lot of trouble in the long run."

His mom playfully slapped him on the shoulder. "That's right.  Now, come in."

Jin'an toed off his shoes and raced in, though Jianliang hovered at the entrance.  He scoped the familiar landscape, the place where he'd spent much of his life, and his heart swelled again.  Jianliang watched his son putter around much like he used to, and his smile turned a bit melancholy.

This place was his safe haven... but it was part of his past.

"I'm heading out to meet Ruki and Ryo," Jianliang murmured into his mother's ears.

Her smile turned sad. "Are you all right, Jianliang?  It's been ten years..."

"It's fine, Mom.  Say hi to Dad for me," he said.  His mom's hand lingered on his shoulder briefly before releasing him with a pat.  Jianliang took it as his cue to call out, "Jin'an, I'm heading out!  Be good for your grandparents!"

"I will, _Baba_!" Jin'an chirped. "Bye!  Say hi to Ruki-san and Ryo-san for me!  Tell them to say hi to Ken too!"

"Will do, son!" Jianliang called and then turned to his mom to kiss her on the cheek. "I'll see you later, mom."

"Be safe," she said and hugged him tightly.

Jianliang turned and headed out.  Normally, he was fine with being at his childhood home.  It was awesome.  He could simply enjoy the warmth of being with his family.

But not today... not these days.  These days, this time—they were when the past had more of a hold over him than he liked, where he felt younger than he ever had before.  He was twenty-eight for gods' sake.

And he still felt as lost as he had when he was eighteen.

Jianliang made it to the bar and discovered that he was the first there.  One of the servers greeted him as he entered and seated him at his usual table.

"Hi, Li. The usual?"

"Hey, Himi," Jianliang responded. "Erm, actually..."

"It's January, isn't it?" one of the other servers said.  His greeter's eyes widened in acknowledgement at his slip. "I'll take care of this, Tomoki."

"Sorry, Takuya."

With a small smile, Takuya turned back to Jianliang. "Shōchū and yakitori to start?"

"Sounds wonderful," Jianliang said with a sigh as he loosened his tie.  He wiped his hands with a warmed towel and sat back at the low table, feeling a bit of tension ease from his shoulders.  The heavy taste of alcohol on his tongue, when he was served, felt wonderful.  He was well on his way through his second glass when Ruki and Ryo stepped in, and Takuya dropped some yakitori down.

"Hey Makino, Akiyama.  The usual?"

"Just keep the food and drink coming," said Ruki as she seated herself comfortably, grabbing the shōchū from Jianliang and pouring herself a generous glass.  Ryo smiled at Takuya and tore into some grilled chicken.

Once Jianliang finished his second glass and Ruki, her first, Ryo spoke. "How's things going, Jian?"

"Same old, same old." He cracked his neck and grabbed some food for himself. "Yamaki's got me jumping through hoops."

"Like that's any different than usual," Ruki snorted.

"How about you, Ms. Magazine Editor?" Jianliang gently teased. "I saw your subscribers go up."

"Business is business," dismissed Ruki. "Even in Japan, physical copies are still on the decline." She slammed back some more shōchū and reached for the food as well.

"How's this semester's class?" Jianliang tilted his head toward Ryo.

"Poor little script kiddies who think they know everything," tutted Ryo. "But it's all right.  There's some people with talent in there." He gave a sharp grin with that edge of feralness that reminded him of almost twenty years ago now. "It'll be fun whipping them into shape." Ryo was a professor of cybersecurity at one of Tokyo's universities.  Jianliang was privately impressed that someone who'd always had a touch of the wild in him had gotten into academia.

Not as surprising as Ruki settling down for her own magazine, focused on a particular fashion demographic that had sprung up during their adulthood, but then again, Ruki had always blazed her own trail.

And definitely not as surprising as the fact that both of them had settled down together, keeping their original surnames for professional reasons.  They'd had a low-key affair despite Ruki's mom's insistence, and no matter how much Jianliang plied them with alcohol and favors and numerous other things, neither would reveal who—if either—changed their surnames.

The night steadily went on as such, with Jianliang and Ruki badgering Ryo into drinking more.  Shōchū and sake flowed freely, and they switched to beer when they got tired of both.  They feasted on bar food, demolishing plate after plate as if they were back in college.  The three of them made small talk about their lives, Jianliang all but gushing over Jin'an as his head fuzzed, while Ruki's ironclad hold over her lips loosened and she smiled over some of the events she related.  Ryo related anecdotes on workplace life, and it tried to be a pleasant evening all around.

But Ruki never took her eye off of the goal, and when she sat her bottle of sake down and finished off the skewer in her other hand, she looked straight at Jianliang and asked, "How are you holding up?"

Jianliang did her the favor of not bullshitting around, especially after alcohol loosened his tongue. "Better than previous years."

"Ten years without contact," Ryo murmured. "I'm not quite sure how you managed that."

"I pretended I was still abroad when the wedding invitations were sent out." Jianliang shrugged and took a swig of his beer. "I'd fallen out of contact and was so busy with Jin'an that it was easy enough."

"How'd you get Terriermon to keep quiet?" Ruki asked. "According to Renamon, he's as much of a loudmouth as ever."

Jianliang laughed around a mouthful of beer. "Terriermon's craftier than that.  He talks about me a lot, but he doesn't mention that I work at Hypnos at all."

"...and Renamon keeps her silence," Ruki realized.

"And Cyberdramon could care less," Ryo said.

"Thus, none of the other Digimon have anything to tell their Tamers.  Yamaki makes sure never to put me on missions with anyone but you two, and the others think pressing demands have me leave as soon as I return," Jianliang finished with relish.

"The brat is a pressing demand," Ruki acknowledged.  Jianliang didn't take offense at Ruki's term of endearment for his son, as it was part of Ruki's charm.

"You should bring him over again sometime," Ryo said, raising his glass.  Jianliang scrambled to refill his own and passed one off to Ruki.

"Jin'an says hi, and he says the same to Ken." Jianliang shrugged. "To our kids!"

"To our kids!" Ruki didn't quite cheer, but it was a close thing. "Kanpai!"

"Kanpai!" the three of them shouted, clinking glasses.

The toast quickly faded into more food, and Jianliang really started feeling it this time around.  He had a pretty damn high alcohol tolerance, if he did say so himself, but they were steadily drinking all night and Jianliang wasn't alcoholic enough to retain the height of it.  And so he was stumbling along on Ryo's shoulder as they made their way to Ruki and Ryo's house.

Jianliang still marveled at the fact that they lived in an actual house.  He'd lived in apartments all his life due to his desire to stay in Tokyo, and his stint in America had been dorms until he had to take care of Jin'an and moved in with Michelle's parents.  Their house was warm and magical and at times Jianliang missed it with all his heart.

Ruki and Ryo's was about that big; it had two floors and a large sitting room where Ryo had an amazing TV setup, along with a bathroom, a kitchen, and a study where Ruki worked while not in office and Ryo had his computer.  The second floor had three bedrooms, one for Ryo and Ruki themselves, one for their son Ken, and one for guests.

Guests which included himself and Jin'an at times.

Ryo's shoulder was strong underneath him as Jianliang tried to maneuver them both into the spare bedroom.  He turned to Ruki and asked, "Going to join us?"

"I'm tucking in early tonight.  Have fun, boys." Ruki waggled her fingers at them.  Ryo blew her a kiss, at which Ruki raised an eyebrow before disappearing into the master bath.  Jianliang envied her composure, even as he fumbled with the door and dragged Ryo into the room.

Ryo reached for the lights before hesitating. "Jian, do you want the lights—"

"On's fine," Jianliang smiled. "I want to see you."

As Ryo helped him out of his suit, trailing kisses down his neck the entire time, Jianliang reflected on what started this whole arrangement.

The first time they had this meet up, Jianliang was damn near inconsolable.  Ruki stole some of her mom's booze, and they drank through the night at Ruki's apartment.  Ryo and Jianliang stumbled back to the former's place afterward, and in the haze of alcohol and lust, proceeded to screw each other senseless.

In the cold light of the morning after, Jianliang had been apologetic, but Ryo understood.  Originally, it had started as two friends releasing pressure with each other, and it didn't quite stop when Ryo and Ruki got together.

Though Jianliang was pretty far on the gay scale, having Ruki join in at times was fun.

Jianliang craved the primal understanding he got from Ryo during these times.  From the kisses to the actual deed, it all affirmed that Ryo wouldn't leave him.  Despite the passion that went to the actual deed, it remained platonic, and it was the same for when Ruki joined in.

Jianliang loved them, but not in the way that they loved each other.

They slept with each other off and on, but around this time, Jianliang needed that affirmation more than ever, and so that one chance night turned into one of the few things that had kept Jianliang sane and stable these past ten years.

And, as his teeth nipped at Ryo's neck and his hands nearly tore the buttons off of Ryo's shirt, Jianliang wouldn't give this up for anything.

**OoOoO**

Jianliang woke up sore but sated.  He trailed a hand down Ryo's strong frame before careful extricating himself from Ryo's arms.  For someone who'd spent nearly a year in the Digital World by himself, Ryo was pretty grabby during the night.

Actually, maybe it was because of that year. Or more.

There were huge portions of Ryo's past that he remained mum about, anyway.  Sure, he covered it in bravado and confidence, but there were some very deep scars inside of him, deeper than anything Jianliang had received in his life.  Their nights together were mutual after all; Ryo (and Ruki, for that matter) didn't believe in pity sex.  He wouldn't do it unless they all benefited.

So this arrangement would continue for as long as they all needed it.

Jianliang padded over to the closet, which contained a few of his clothes for just this type of occasion.  His suit was currently in a corner somewhere; normally, they'd be a little more careful, but Jianliang had desperately needed Ryo's skin on his last night.  He picked out some casual wear and a towel; without Ken wandering the house, he didn't mind padding out to the bathroom stark naked, with the fading remnants of a long, satisfying night of sex marking his skin.

Jianliang stepped out of the room just as Ruki was retreating back to her study with a huge mug of coffee.  Ruki raised an eyebrow, her eyes taking in every inch of Jianliang's uncovered body.

Jianliang knew what she saw.  Raising Jin'an by himself was hard, yes, but it was no excuse to get lazy.  Mornings or evenings, Jianliang found it in himself to run (with Jin'an in the habit now too), and he kept a regular workout schedule, so he had an athletic body tight with muscle.  The way Ruki's eyes raked his form was proof of how he kept himself.

Feeling a bit playful, he cocked his hips and asked, "Like what you see?"

Ruki snorted, but her twitching lips betrayed her. "If I didn't know you were gay before," she murmured before shaking her head. "Have fun last night?"

"Lots," Jianliang said with a small smile. "Wish you could've joined us."

"I had to take care of some things this morning," dismissed Ruki. "I hope you didn't leave my husband too tired," she ribbed. "I swore I could hear you through the night."

"You should've come in then," Jianliang reiterated.

"I'd rather have my dreams."

Jianliang waggled his eyebrows in response, and Ruki laughed, bright and clear for once, as he swaggered toward the bathroom.  Ruki slapped his shoulder when he passed.  Jianliang knew she was hiding a smile in her cup, and he grinned to himself when he entered the bathroom.

The day after never had any regrets.  It washed away all of his pain for the moment, and Jianliang felt that he was more stable afterward.  Less likely to do something stupid, and more accepting of the future.

Being with Ryo and Ruki reminded him of the fact that the past was the past, and that there was still the future for change.

The warmth and support made him happier, and, to be blunt, the sex's afterglow lasted well into the next day.  So Jianliang hummed to himself as he took his shower and cleaned himself thoroughly.  He nearly floated down the stairs to the kitchen, where he began whipping up breakfast for himself, Ryo, and Ruki.

Jianliang texted his son as he went around making pancakes, because he knew that Ryo and Ruki enjoyed them.  Ruki specialized in the traditional Japanese dishes her grandmother lovingly taught her, while Ryo wasn't all that good at breakfast.  By the time he was done, Ruki had been tempted out of her study by the smell, and Ryo just finished his shower, trailing downstairs in a pair of sweatpants.  Ruki gave her husband the same eyes she'd given him; Ryo unabashedly grinned and made eyes at her, which Ruki ribbed him for.

The three of them enjoyed their breakfast together in relative silence; they'd spoken most of what they had wanted to say last night.  When the meal was done, Ryo rose and headed to the kitchen to do the dishes, while Ruki nursed another mug of coffee.

"Give it to me straight, Jian," Ruki said. "You sure you're doing all right?"

"It's been ten years," Jianliang reminded her. "I have Jin'an now, and I have you guys, and I have other friends." His lips spread into a small but genuine smile. "I have it so good right now."

Though Ruki would probably deny it later, she returned his smile. "Good."

"Are we still on for next week?  Jin'an wants to see Ken."

Ruki snorted. "Ken's always going, 'When's Jin-nii-chan coming back over?'"

"When Jin'an's a little older, I'll think about letting him head over here by himself," Jianliang said.

The conversation devolved into their kids once again, until Ruki had to go back to work, Ryo had papers to go over, and Jianliang had to go pick up his son.  He gave Ryo a hug and bumped fists with Ruki on the way out.

The past was slotted into the past once more, and Jianliang was content.  The bliss wouldn't last, he knew, but it became easier and easier the longer it went.

Time really did heal all wounds, Jianliang mused.

He knew this best when he got back to his parents' place and his son practically leapt into his arms. " _Baba!_ " Jin'an cheered. "You're back!"

Jianliang laughed as he caught his flying son, swinging him around playfully. "Nice to see you too, Jin'an.  Were you good for your grandparents?"

"I was!  I swear I was!"

Jianliang turned to his parents with a grin in his eyes. "Mom, dad, what do you two think?"

His dad was carefully looking away, no doubt because of the smile breaking through his poker face, while his mom looked solemn as she said, "I don't know.  He is a little ball of energy.  He didn't want to go to sleep last night."

" _Mahmah!_ " Jin'an whined, eyes widening in an all-consuming pout. "I was good yesterday, you know that!  I even helped you with the dishes!"

Finally unable to take it anymore, his dad burst out laughing, just as his mom dissolved into a warm smile. "I know, Jin'an, I know.  I'm just teasing you!"

Jin'an's pout deepened, but Jianliang ran his hand over his son's head, calming him down.

"Are you going to stay a bit, Jianliang?" his father asked.

Jianliang shook his head in response. "No, Jin'an and I are going to the zoo together, aren't we?"

"The zoo!" Jin'an cheered in confirmation. "I want to see the bears!"

"Do you want to come?" Jianliang asked.

"No," his mom said with a smile. "You and Jin'an should have some father-son time together!"

"Un!" Jin'an happily agreed.

Jianliang took in Jin'an's happy smile and grinned to himself.  That grin remained on his face as he took Jin'an to the zoo, where his son bounced around the entirety of the place, taking in the sights.  No matter how many times they came, Jin'an loved, loved, absolutely _loved_ the place.  Jianliang trailed after him with the amused affection of a father, delighting in the way that his son chattered about this and that, particularly the bears.

Jin'an loved the bears, mimicking their movements whenever he saw them.  Jianliang remembered the first time he brought Jin'an here and watched his eyes light up at his first look at them.

On their way out, Jianliang picked up a stuffed bear for Jin'an.  Though he protested that he was too old for them, Jin'an still clutched it tightly as he chattered happily about the zoo.  Jianliang hid a small smile as the two walked hand-in-hand to the train station.

Yeah, Jianliang thought they'd be all right.  As long as he had Jin'an, everything would be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation Notes:
> 
> Cantonese:
> 
> My Use (Characters): Yale Romanization: Translation  
> [1] _Baba_ (爸爸): Bābā: Father (informal)  
>  [2] _Yehyeh_ (爺爺): Yèhyèh: Paternal grandfather (informal)  
>  [3] _Mahmah_ (嫲嫲): Màhmàh: Paternal grandmother (informal)  
>  [4] _Daaiyeh_ (大爺): Daaihyèh: Paternal older uncle (informal)  
>  [5] _Guma_ (姑媽): Gūmā: Paternal older aunt


	2. A Meeting After Ten Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I'm dedicating this chapter to [Taiki Matsuki](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2529524/Taiki-Matsuki), whose works finally got me off my butt to write this story after years of admiration for Jianliang/Takato.

Jianliang greeted the rise of the sun with the arch of his back and a reach for the heavens.  Stretching the full length of his body, he touched the sky before letting his hands fall back before him.  He took a moment to bathe in the utter peace of the morning.  Nothing to think about, nothing to feel.  Just he and himself.

He picked up his mat from the ground and rolled it back up, storing it carefully as his mind prepped for the day ahead.  Passing by Jin'an's door, Jianliang knocked and said, "You have ten minutes."

By the time he was changed, Jin'an was sitting at the table, still a little sleepy looking, and nibbling on some toast.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Un," Jin'an grunted and got to his feet.  Dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, father and son trotted outside to head to the local gym.  Normally, Jianliang tried to minimize his expenditure—even working for Hypnos, he was still a single father with all the money woes that entailed—but keeping a healthy body kept him more focused, on the level.  Part of him also admitted to himself that it tired out Jin'an, and anything that could temper Jin'an natural energy helped immensely for his sanity.  Martial arts lessons from his old Sifu also helped in that regard, but the indoor track was true godsend in that case.  Jianliang loved just simply running with Jin'an here.  Jianliang's longer stride meant that he could cover more distance, but he made sure to match Jin'an's pace, providing little encouragements when he could.  Jin'an got so determined when they were there, like he had something to prove, that Jianliang often had to remind him to pace himself unless he wanted to puke.

Jin'an just shook his head though and powered on.  Sports clubs were going to love that enthusiasm in the future.

Today, Jin'an seemed to be especially on point.  His steps were lighter and his focus sharper.  With a side grin, Jianliang said, "You look really happy today."

"I really liked going to the zoo," Jin'an said brightly. "The bats were cool!"

Ugh, Jianliang personally wasn't too big a fan of them—a bad encounter with a Vamdemon nipped that in the bud—but he supposed bats were awesome for young boys.  Jianliang smiled instead and said, "Nice.  I hope you don't want one as a pet though."

Jin'an nose wrinkled. "Flying pets are too much trouble anyway.  I'd rather have a bear!"

"And a bear wouldn't be as troublesome?" Jianliang asked dryly.

"But they're even more awesome!" he cheered. "There's so big and awesome and grrr!" He swiped his hand like a claw, teeth bared, and Jianliang couldn't help but laugh.

"I like dogs," Jianliang admitted, though he could hear Terriermon's objection to being called a simple dog. "Your mom had a dog when she was little."

"Whoa, cool!" Jin'an said with a grin. "It's back in America though, right?"

Lucky had been pretty old by the time Jin'an had been born, Jianliang remembered.  His throat closed a bit at how much Michelle had loved that dog, a constant companion for the both of them during her pregnancy.  There was a good chance she wasn't alive anymore. "Yeah," he said once he cleared his throat.

"I want a pet!" Jianliang barely kept a wince off his face at the sheer enthusiasm on his son's face, and a little guilt burned in his stomach when Jin'an cooled down almost a second after. "...but you're not home enough to help me take care of one..."

If he currently wasn't running, Jianliang would have scratched the back of his head in a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. "Jin'an—"

"No, no, it's fine, dad."

But it wasn't all right.  Jin'an was quiet most of the rest of his run, and Jianliang too tongue-tied to say anything more.  They were cleaning up—Jianliang, getting ready for work, and Jin'an for school—when Jianliang finally hit upon something. "Maybe we can get a fish?" Fish were relatively low maintenance, right?

"Fish are kind of boring..." Jin'an muttered.

"So I take it you don't want to go to the aquarium in two weeks?" Jianliang asked lightly.

Jin'an's eyes actually sparkled.  Jianliang wished that he could put that expression on his son more often. "Whoa, really, _Baba_?"

"Yeah, really," he confirmed.

"And, and we can get ramen and ice cream after?"

"Don't push it," Jianliang said and cuffed his son lightly on the back of his head.

Jin'an was sparkling too hard to care though, nearly bouncing out the exit when they finished. "Fish and ramen, fish and ramen," he chanted. "Get to see the fish and then eat ramen afterward!"

Jianliang laughed again. "So excited?"

Jin'an merely grinned, not a trace of bashfulness in his face. "Of course not!"

They came to Jin'an school, Jianliang ruffling Jin'an hair affectionately to his son's squawk. "Have fun at school, Jin'an!"

" _Baba_ ," he whined, furiously patting his hair down again.  Too bad for him that he'd inherited his own nearly untamable mess.  Jianliang noted that he'd have to drag Jin'an for a haircut soon; they'd always left it a little too late and Jin'an always complained about the bangs getting in his eyes or it going down to his neck. "Well, have fun at work then!"

"I will," Jianliang said and parted ways as soon as Jin'an crossed the gate onto the school grounds proper.  He smiled at Jin'an final wave before he dashed away.

Heart lightened, Jianliang headed to work for another grueling day of programming.

**OoOoO**

The week passed in a blur of assignments, meetings, and homework with Jin'an.  He spent time with his son, worked for Yamaki, and generally did everything that was expected of him.  He talked with Terriermon sometimes and updated him on his life; he appreciated his partner's snark and wished he could visit, but it took far too much energy to open a portal to the Digital World rather than use a naturally occurring one, and so Hypnos saved it for when their intervention was truly necessary.

Jianliang missed Terriermon's comforting weight on his shoulder, the feel of his fur beneath his fingers.

But this was Jianliang's life now.  His work, his family, his friends, his partner.

He loved them all and was loved in turn.

Really, what more could he ask for?

One day, Jianliang checked his watch and realized that Jin'an was a bit late.  He gave his son a lot of free rein, yes, but this was curfew.  Calling his son, he asked, "Where are you?"

"Sorry _Baba_ , I'm at the park with Takeshi."

"Which one?  I'll come pick you up."

For a moment, Jianliang's breath caught when Jin'an replied.  Jianliang hadn't been to that park in years; it contained too many memories.  He figured it was time to see how healed he really was.  Pushing past the swell of emotion, he said, "I'll come pick you up."

"I'm old enough to go back on my own," Jin'an whined. "I'm seven now!"

"It'll be another couple of years before you get that privilege," Jianliang shot back. "I'm coming to pick you up.  Don't go anywhere, all right?"

"Yes, _Baba_ ," Jin'an grumbled.

"See you soon," Jianliang said, but his son had already hung up.

Hm, was Jin'an hitting his rebellious stage?  He tried to remember what Xiaochun was like at seven, but he wasn't sure it was a fair comparison.  Xiaochun had been born into a full family, with three older siblings.  She'd also survived the Digital World (with a giant rabbit bodyguard, true), had been ground zero of the effort against the D-Reaper (and there had been so much mental scarring following that mess, even for the people who hadn't actively fought against it), and had bravely come out of hiding to lend Andiramon what support she could.  On the other hand, Jin'an was being raised by a single father, even with the extended family helping out, and an entire side of the family he barely remembered.  Jin'an also had not two but three cultures pulling at him.

No, Jianliang decided, it wouldn't be fair to compare them, but he also know his world-trotting sister had a curfew as early as Jin'an's at that time, so Jianliang felt justified in going to pick up his wayward son.

Jianliang figured that 5:00 wasn't too early for someone still in elementary school, even in Japan.  By the time he made it to the park, he wondered what the punishment should be.

He'd just drag Jin'an on an early run tomorrow, Jianliang decided as he caught sight of his son with Takeshi, in that same dinosaur which had seen so much use in the past.

"Oi, Jin'an!" Jianliang called.

There was a muffled shout, and then Jin'an's head appeared upside down from within. " _Baba_ , I'll be down in a second!"

"No rush," Jianliang said drily.

Jin'an mumbled something before popping down with a small tumble, bag in hand.  Takeshi appeared not long after, perpetual grin plastered on his face.

"Sorry about the time, Li-san," Takeshi said while scratching the back of his head with one hand.

"It's all right.  What about you, Takeshi-kun?  Will you get back all right?"

"My mom's picking me up!" Takeshi said with a mock-salute. "I'll be fine."

Jianliang didn't need to look down to know the pleading expression on Jin'an's face.  Patting his son on the head, he said, "We'll wait with you."

Jin'an burst into a smile and dragged Takeshi back to the dinosaur.  Keeping one eye on the dinosaur and the other on his phone, Jianliang waited.  Thankfully, it wasn't long before someone came by shouting, "Takeshi!  Takeshi!"

Takeshi tumbled out of the dinosaur, popping up with a, "Oji-san!" and Jin'an at his heels.

"Oh thank heavens," the man murmured. "I'm sorry I'm late.  Your mom got held up!"

"It's fine, Oji-san!  Jin'an and his dad waited with me!"

"I hope it wasn't too much trouble on your—" the man said as he turned, and then Jianliang's jaw dropped.

"Kenta?"

"Holy sh—" Kenta's eyes flickered back to the children for a moment. "Jenrya?  Is that you?"

Jianliang didn't know how to respond.  This was the first time he'd seen Kenta in _years_ ; he hadn't seen him since he left for college.  Now coming face to face with a portion of his past that he didn't regularly interact with—he froze.

A litany of curses poured through his head.  Everything he carefully built...

He broke out of it when Jin'an tugged at his sleeve. "Do you know him?" Jin'an asked quietly.

"Yes, yes, I do." Jianliang cleared his throat. "Jin'an, this is Kenta Kitagawa, one of my friends from way back."

"Like, Ruki-san and Ryo-san?"

Jianliang's eyes flicked back to Kenta, who still looked dumbstruck. "Yes, like Ryo and Ruki," he finally said.

"Ryo and Ruki know you're back?" Kenta demanded. "You have a _kid_?  You have a _kid_ that's Takeshi's age?  What have you been up to, Jenrya?"

In the face of questions, Jianliang felt his cool snap back. "Kenta, I'll get back to you.  It's past Jin'an's curfew, and I think Takeshi needs to go home too." He looked down at the phone still in his hand. "Is your number still the same?" When Kenta nodded, Jianliang said, "I'll text you my number, and we can get in touch."

"Text me now," Kenta said. "You disappeared off the face of the earth for ten years, and I'm not letting you slip away again.  Especially if you still have my number."

Jianliang's eyebrow rose at Kenta's sharp tone, but he did as asked.  After Kenta confirmed the text, Jianliang said, "If at all possible, can this meeting stay between us?"

"I'll see what I can do," Kenta said blandly.

Jianliang nodded his head toward Kenta.  Trying to soften his eyes, he turned to Takeshi and said, "Sorry about this.  Jin'an will see you later."

The ever-present grin on Takeshi's face had faded.  Jianliang wished he could do something to fix that, but he was too busy trying not to have a very public breakdown.  The two of them walked away from the uncle and nephew after Jin'an gave one last wave.  They were silent the entire trip back.  Once they were home and Jianliang was well into finishing up dinner, Jin'an spoke up. "Are you mad at me, _Baba_?"

Jianliang paused in the middle of stirring a small pot of soup. "I'm not mad."

"But you look angry," Jin'an insisted. "Or, do you just don't want your old friends to know that you have a kid my age?" His voice was small, raw, in a way Jin'an rarely was.  It made Jianliang's heart clench.

Jianliang set the large spoon down on the counter and turned to his son.  His voice was earnest as he said, "It's not that.  I'm proud of you, Jin'an, and I wouldn't change it for the world.  But something happened in the past, and I was very hurt, and Kenta...  Kenta was a part of the past I tried my best to forget." The past was the past, and ten years was long enough, Jianliang supposed.  He had more than himself to worry about now, and he tried to put that emotion, that love for his son into his eyes when he said, "It led me to you though.  And that is more than worth it."

Michelle, in their time together, had taught him how to be this open with his emotions, damn her American sensibilities.

...he wouldn't trade her or Jin'an for the world.

Jin'an was quiet, but a flush crossed clear across his nose.  He looked back down to his homework, and Jianliang turned back to his cooking.  The soup was done, and Jianliang was just about to take it off the burner when he felt small hands wrap around his waist and a face press itself into his back.

"I love you too, _Baba_ ," Jin'an said, muffled, but Jianliang understood every word.

**OoOoO**

Jianliang made it to the cafe a little early.  Jin'an was playing with Ken at Ruki and Ryo's place; the two had offered to take care of him, and Jianliang felt a little guilty about missing their usual gathering, but it was one of the few times that Jianliang had unequivocally free, and Jin'an was _not_ at the age where Jianliang would be comfortable having him take care of himself.

He ordered himself a black coffee as he waited.  After ten years of his balancing act, Jianliang thought he would make it.

He was getting better.

He was better.

Sipping the coffee down slowly, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift.

He hadn't seen Kenta in years.  Kenta or Hirokazu or Juri or... Takato.

At first, when his emotions were raw and he retreated into the same place in himself as in his youth, Jianliang didn't want to see them.  Seeing them reminded him of what happened, and it was far easier to numb himself than it was to face them.  Then habits formed, and Jianliang stayed away, especially when he went abroad.

Ruki and Ryo forced their way in.

Jianliang wasn't sure he would have let anyone else.

He looked up when he heard the scrape of a chair's legs against the ground.  Kenta sat himself down at the table and ordered a tea for himself when the waitress came by.

Jianliang took a moment to look at his old friend.  Kenta had grown up to be of decent height, though he still had a thin quality about him.  He looked more confident than he had been when they were kids, and there was stubborn tilt to his lips.

"I've still not forgiven you for ditching us for America like that," Kenta informed him. "You left without even a goodbye!  We had to find out from your parents!"

Jianliang shrugged uneasily. "I have no real excuse."

Kenta stared at him, eyes narrow, but Jianliang met his gaze evenly.  He would not apologize for that; there's been too much hurt at the time, and too many secrets.  Kenta acknowledged the lack of apology with a nod and a shift in topic. "You have a kid."

"His name's Jin'an," Jianliang said, a touch of warmth bleeding into his voice. "He's seven."

Kenta's eyebrows rose. "That's pretty old for our age."

Jianliang just shrugged.

"What about the mother?  Are we going to meet her?"

His gaze dropped to his coffee, which his fingers clenched tightly.  Though he knew that this topic would come up, it still hurt.  Forcing the words past his throat took everything he had.

"Michelle passed away after childbirth."

There was a reason why Jianliang had come back to Japan after going to college in America, after all.  It had been so, so hard after her death, but Jianliang held onto Jin'an as hard as he could, had devoted so much of himself into making things stable for Jin'an.  Sometimes, Jin'an had been the only reason why he woke the next day, why he hadn't crawled into the bottle and never returned.

He'd been extremely lucky that Michelle's parents had opened their home to him.  They hadn't been impressed with Michelle's pregnancy so soon into college, but they had at least acknowledged Jianliang's determination to help out and had opened their home to them.  It had been only with their help that the two of them had been able to attend classes while Michelle was pregnant, and when Michelle passed away, they'd continued to house Jianliang and Jin'an, taking care of their grandson while Jianliang tried to finish his degree as soon as he could.

Jianliang would never be able to thank them enough for the support they'd given him.

Then Michelle's father had passed away from a heart attack, just as Michelle's mother lost her battle with cancer.  Afterward, Jianliang had burned what little of his savings he had left to help the extended family with funeral preparations.  With nothing but a recently attained bachelor's on hand and zero support system left in America, Jianliang's practicality won out over his still lingering resentment, and he moved back to Japan.

Jianliang still sent New Year's cards back to Michelle's extended family, but they weren't close.

Thinking back over it all, his heart still ached a little.  It wasn't with the same heavy mix of anger and hurt that drove him from Japan in the first place but a certain wistful sadness.  She would have been a wonderful mother for Jin'an.

He taught Jin'an all he knew about Michelle, but that didn't mean that her presence wasn't missed.  All Jianliang had left was what little photographs, memories, and mementoes he had of the time they shared.

There'd been love between them.  It hadn't either romantic or sexual, but there was still a part of Jianliang's heart missing with her.

"I'm sorry," Kenta said softly.  It looked as if his confession had blunted some of Kenta's anger, and his eyes softened. "Have you been raising Jin'an by yourself?"

Jianliang shook his head, focusing on the topic on hand. "My family's been helping out, and Ruki and Ryo too." A small smile passed across his face. "They've been wonderful.  What about you, Kenta?  What've you been up to?"

As it turned out, Kenta had become an accountant and was working for a fairly well-known company.  Aside from his occasional loan to Hypnos ("You're working for Hypnos?" Kenta exclaimed when Jianliang revealed that fact) due to his partner MarineAngemon's significant healing abilities, Kenta found himself content with life, though he had no kids.

Jianliang then noticed that Kenta's hand had a ring on it when he lifted his cup of tea. "Are you married?" he asked.

"Engaged," Kenta said, fingering the silver band almost absently. "We're still figuring out the details."

"Do I know them?"

Kenta had an almost embarrassed yet defiant smile on his face when he replied, "Hirokazu."

Jianliang's eyebrows shot straight up. "Wow," he said softly. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Kenta said, still smiling. "What about you?"

"Still uninvolved," Jianliang said. "Taking caring of Jin'an takes up most of my time."

And then Kenta dropped his bombshell. "You should talk to Takato."

Jianliang's face twisted.  Years may have dulled that pain, but that didn't mean he wanted to see him.  Too much had happened, with too much pain and too much regret.

"We know you guys dated."

His heart nearly stopped.  That had been a secret they'd kept from everyone for the duration of their relationship; Takato had insisted on it, and Jianliang had been smitten enough to agree.  In a small part of him, Jianliang felt his heart snarl as he remembered that delicate act he'd done all throughout high school, hiding their relationship from everyone else.  The only times Jianliang had broken that confidence were after the relationship had ended.

Of those alive, he'd only told Ruki, Ryo, and his family the whole story.  There was a good reason why they all helped keep up his smokescreen for him.  To know what now, of all times, Takato was willing to tell others was surprising.

Maybe not as much so, if Kenta and Hirokazu were open enough to be publically engaged.

"You guys broke up before college," Kenta said, and if that was all Kenta was going to say about it, maybe he didn't know the complete story. "Takato regrets it so much."

"He got _married_ ," Jianliang said coldly.

"Divorced now," Kenta corrected.

Jianliang paused.  He hadn't heard that; well, of course he hadn't, so far out of the loop that it wouldn't occur for anyone to tell him anything.  After the wedding he didn't attend, Jianliang extracted a promise from Ruki and Ryo to not inform him of the latest happenings in Takato's life.  He didn't want to turn into a masochist, after all.

"I haven't told anyone about this meeting," Kenta said, "but you should really start talking to the others again."

Jianliang took a sip of his coffee to stall.  Did he want this?  Did he really want to do this?  There were so many things that could go wrong here.  So much hurt, so much pain.

But Jianliang wasn't a coward.

"I'll meet them on my own time," Jianliang said. "You can tell them, but I'll handle the explanations."

It was time to put his words to action; ten years was long enough to be running.

Kenta smiled at him, as if sensing and agreeing with his thoughts.

**OoOoO**

Jianliang hovered outside of the Matsuda Bakery.  He couldn't...  He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he was here.  He'd been here only once since their breakup, and the very memory left him feeling cold.

But he steeled himself and rolled his shoulders.

"Pardon me," Jianliang said as he entered into the familiar smells of bread and pastries.  For a moment, he was hit by nostalgia, of how much time they spent here, with Takato manning the register and Jianliang sitting there with him, keeping him company.

He remembered teaching Takato how to pronounce his name properly here, how to carry out the "l" sound that didn't quite exist in Japanese.  He remembered the stolen kisses when no one was looking, the simple ease with which they hovered around each other.

But like the past itself, the nostalgia slipped away, living him cold once more.

Jianliang looked around as he forced himself back to the present.  The interior of the bakery hadn't changed much over the years, and though there'd been upgrades, it still had the same warm, homey feel to it.

He walked past all of the different breads and pastries, the selection more diminished as the day waned, and then he stopped at one of them.

It'd been far too long since he had the Matsuda Bakery's now signature item.  Guilmon Bread hadn't changed much over the years, and it was still apparently the most popular of the Matsuda's specialty goods.  Jianliang picked up the last one and took it to the counter.

Yoshie Matsuda had aged some, maybe a few more lines around her eyes and cheeks, but her overall demeanor still hadn't changed.

"Will that be all?" Yoshie asked.

"Erm, yes," Jianliang said and paid, noting that while prices had increased—as to be expected—it was still affordable. "Um, is Takato-san," the honorific felt funny in his mouth, but he powered on, "around?  We were supposed to have a meeting."

Yoshie blinked, startled out of the generic Japanese politeness (which Jianliang had missed while abroad). "Um, yes, I believe so.  I think he's here.  I'm sorry, but you—" and then her hands rose to cover her mouth as she gasped. "Oh my goodness, Li-kun!  You're Li Jenrya, aren't you?"

Jianliang tried to smile but guessed that it came off as somewhat awkward. "Er, yes, it's me."

"Li-kun, it's been years!" she said. "How have you been?"

"I've been good," he replied. "I got a government job as a programmer."

"You were always good at computers," Yoshie cooed. "I'm glad.  You're going to catch up with Takato, right?  You're the one he'd been worrying about all week."

Jianliang tried to smile again, but he still felt awkward.  It had been an awkward phone call, after all, involving Takato answering the phone and Jianliang tentatively replying.  There'd been tears on Takato's side while Jianliang had tried to be as stoic as possible as his stomach churned unpleasantly.  They'd decided to meet at the bakery before heading out, so here he was, still too timid to go the residential entrance.

But Yoshie was smiling, as if Jianliang were just an old, estranged friend come to reconnect.  He wondered if she knew the true story of their relationship at all.  But that was Takato's choice, and so Jianliang didn't want hint at anything more.

At Yoshie's call to Takato, Jianliang moved aside so that she could continue to serve the customers behind him.  He was directed toward the familiar door to the living space of the Matsuda Bakery, a path that Jianliang had traveled often enough when he was younger.

Waiting at the foot of the stairs, Jianliang heard a door open and close.  And when he looked up them, he caught sight of a face he hadn't seen in years.

By the time they'd parted ways, both of them had lost the baby fat of their youth.  Jianliang had always been the more athletic of the two of them despite his computer focus, and Takato had ended up skinnier though lithe.  Takato now looked thin, almost wispy, perhaps a little unwell, though his limbs still had strength that Jianliang could glimpse.  His hair was longer, a little shaggy, but they still framed the same gaze Jianliang had fallen in love with all those years ago.

That same, pure gaze.

Their eyes met, and everything flooded back.  Everything Jianliang had tried to forget, everything he'd tucked away in the corner of his heart and only let light shine on once a year.

He felt like he was fifteen again, when he first acknowledged what had begun as friendship and steadily evolved into the love it had been.

"Jian," rolled off Takato's tongue, and the spell was broken.

Takato's voice was quiet, meeker than Jianliang had ever heard it.  He thought it'd been a trick of the phone, but hearing it in person...  Jianliang was reminded that, yes, ten years had passed since their breakup.  They weren't the same people anymore, not really, and they carried those years with them, for good or for ill.

Jianliang tucked his hands into his pockets and said, "Takato."

Takato's mouth opened and shut a few times as if he couldn't figure out what to say.  Finally he settled on, "Would you like to come in or should we do it elsewhere?"

"What do you want to do?  Do you want your parents to overhear?" Jianliang said sharply.  He closed his eyes and pinched his brow at Takato's wince.  He honestly didn't mean to be so defensive, but these were old wounds.  He thought they'd been scabbed over by now.

...he was just realizing how thin those patches had really been.

"No, no," Takato said. "It would probably be best if they didn't." He paused and met Jianliang's eyes carefully. "Do you want to head to the park?"

...in a lot of ways, Jianliang didn't want to, but there was a certain... poetic appeal.  The park was the birth for many of the chapters of their lives, and to revisit it together would only be appropriate for revisiting their relationship.

Jianliang nodded, and then Takato poked his head into the bakery portion of the home, telling his mother that he'd be out.  She waved him off while chatting with a customer, and so the two of them entered the cooling air.

They walked in relative quiet.  Every once in a while, they attempted small talk, but it trailed off into awkward silence after a few exchanges.  Nothing they say could slice through the issues between them.

They ended up at the stone structure they'd once housed Guilmon inside.  Jianliang leaned against a wall, and Takato took his place at its opposite.  They stood in silence, Jianliang content to wait it out.

It was Takato's move, Takato's chance to explain.

"Jian," Takato said finally. "If there's anything I have to say to you after all these years, it's that I'm sorry."

An apology.  In the depths of his anger, Jianliang had dreamt of it, craved it.

Now, it slid off of him, barely touching his steeled heart.

"I did a pretty crappy thing to you back then.  I regret it so much." Takato raised his hands to his mouth, tears welling in his eyes.

Jianliang didn't respond.  Something was snarling inside of him, and he felt cold and numb.  Words rose in his throat, but he swallowed them roughly, because they weren't what he needed to say.

"It was...  I guess I still hadn't come to terms with myself at that point, and graduation was coming up..."

Takato's words washed over him like a tsunami, leaving his drowning in emotion.  He could barely heart past the ringing in his ears and the volume of his heartbeat.  The last decade of inadequacy he felt, all those doubts that had driven him aboard, it was for this?

"And then I realized that, that I was just running away from myself.  From who I was.  And then I tried to contact you, but no one could find you and your parents wouldn't tell me, and... I am sorry.  I am so sorry.  Can you forgive me?"

Jianliang broke.

He had always had a temper as a child, but it was something he mastered when he became a Tamer.  As a teenager in love, he'd mellowed out, and as a single father, he'd been perpetually mellow, if harried, trying to be the best dad he could be while making up for Michelle's absence.

But the monster in his chest, birthed from ten years of shame, resentment, and self-doubt, roared up now.  And before Jianliang realized it, he had pushed off the wall and stood straight, hands clenched at his sides.

"Forgive you?  You want me to *forgive* you?" Jianliang lashed out verbally, voice raised enough to make Takato take a step back so he was flush against the wall. "Takato, do you know what you did to me?   You broke up with me.  After four years together, you broke up with me by fucking _text_!"

Takato opened his mouth to say something, protest—Jianliang neither knew nor cared as he steamrolled forward, getting into his groove. "You broke up with me by fucking text, and then you avoided me for weeks afterward!  And when I finally pinned you down long enough to get a damn answer, you know what you told me?  You told me that you were straight, and that you wanted to date someone who could give you a kid, and that the last couple years, that the last _four_ years didn't work out, could we go back to being just friends?" Jianliang laughed long and hard, bitterness engulfing them within the small space. "After all of that, after four years of dating, you just cut me off by saying that, and you didn't even have the nerve to say it to my face."

"—Jian—" There were tears in Takato's eyes now, fresh and falling and if they were even a fraction of the same tears that Jianliang himself had shed, then he felt vindicated.

"And now you want me to forgive you?  When you sent me a fucking wedding invitation after all that, rubbing it in my face?" Jianliang snorted in derision. "Like hell, Takato, like hell."

"Jian," sobbed Takato.

"Goodbye, Takato," Jianliang snarled. "Have a good life."

He spun, turning his back on Takato.  He was so done.  He would have stormed out of this place, but then Takato reached over and grabbed his shoulder.  With strength that Jianliang only suspected he still had, Takato slammed him into the wall hard enough that he knew he would bruise.

"What the fuck, Jian!" Takato shouted through his tears.  Jianliang looked right into his eyes and saw the same fury which had once birthed Megidramon.  Raw and pained but with anger underlying everything. "What the flying fuck, Jian?  You're the one who fucking ran away and you're still running!"

Like hell was he going to take this. "Don't shove this on me, Takato!  Don't you dare shove this on me!" Jianliang shouted back.

"I tried to make amends, I tried for so long.  I looked for you.  I looked and looked and looked, and no one would tell me what was going on!  Your family just froze me out, Jian!" Takato grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.  He hissed in pain even as Takato shouted, "How the hell could I have made things better when I couldn't even speak to you.  Where the fuck were you for the last ten years?"

Jianliang still managed to laugh in his face. "You lost the right to ask me." Ten damn years, and it wasn't long enough. "You lost it when you broke up with me."

"The fuck does that have to do with losing track of you for years?"

"It matters when you fucked me and then left because I wasn't a girl," Jianliang said.  Takato flinched but didn't let go, and Jianliang stared defiantly into those eyes he once could get lost in for hours.  They weren't nearly as comforting now.

"I thought we were friends.  We've fought and killed for each other," Takato said, winding down.  His voice was barely a whisper now, hoarse with tears and weighted by fatigue.  Jianliang couldn't bring himself to care.

"And we were boyfriends too, until you tossed that in the trash."

"Then you ran," Takato said. "You're always running."

"Sometimes you just need to run." Jianliang shrugged as best he could, aiming for nonchalant but failing because he was trembling too hard.

"You're a fucking coward, Jian."

"And you're still an insecure asshole, Takato," Jianliang spat. "I don't even know why I came back."

"Would you have, if Kenta hadn't found you?" Takato asked bitterly. "Would I even have known you were in Japan?"

"No.  No, I wouldn't have," Jianliang said.  That was his truth and nothing could change that.

"And where does that leave us then?"

"The same place we've been for the last ten years." Jianliang reached up and tore Takato's hands off of him, ignoring Takato's pained shout. "Apart."

Jianliang turned and this time succeeded in stalking out of the park.  Righteous anger and wretched bitterness fueled every movement, along with the relief that he had spoken the words he'd only ever whispered while sober or vented while drunk.  Ten years of repressed emotion flowed through him, blotting out everything but a single-minded desire to return home.

He didn't want to see anyone.  He didn't want to be with anyone.

There was only a spark of compassion left in him, and it was that spark that had him texting Kenta, _Takato's at Guilmon's old hideout._ His phone beeped in response, but Jianliang only glanced at the sender—Kenta—before he put away his phone and ignored anything further.

When he got home, he only spared a single thought of relief that Ruki and Ryo had Jin'an before he headed straight for his stash and proceeded to drink and drink and drink.

**OoOoO**

"Rise and shine, _Daidai_!"

Jianliang groaned, head pounding, as the curtains to his room were flung wide open.  He had a good enough apartment that the window opened directly into the sun in the morning, and so he turned and buried his face into his blankets.

Fuck the sun.

Jianliang turned his aching head and buried himself deeper in his bed,

The disgustingly cheerful voice clicked her tongue, however, and said, "No, seriously, Jianliang.  It's time to get up.  I have lunch waiting for you."

Jianliang groaned but shoved off his covers. He'd lost his shirt sometime in the night, but he attributed it to being overheated as opposed to falling into bed with someone.  It wouldn't be the first time the former had happened after all, and the latter...  After Michelle and Jin'an, Jianliang had never needed more than Ryo and Ruki.  He felt a bundle of cloth hit the back of his head to the parting call of, "Take a shower!  You stink!" Jianliang rolled his eyes affectionately and headed to the bathroom.

He took a long, long shower.  It was glorious, the heat curling down his shoulders and taking his head off his incredible hangover.  He made sure to brush thoroughly.  When he finished, he emerged from the steamy bathroom, head still pounding but slightly less lethargic.  There was already a glass of hangover cure next to a bowl of _peidan sauyok jok_.

"Love you, _Jeje_ ," he said as he downed the familiar drink in one go.  The affectionate "older sister" term rolled off his tongue easily, as did the analysis-defying taste of a drink he'd become very familiar with during his college years.  Jianliang then dug into his preserved egg and pork porridge, comfort food in its finest.

Jialing simply shook her head and smile. "At least you aren't shirtless like some bachelors I know."

"Most bachelors don't have kids to worry about," Jianliang shot back dryly, pushing away the stray thought that, yeah, he'd still be shirtless if no one was around.

Jianliang let the warm food settle his rebellious stomach.  It was the absolute height of his comfort food, something he and Michelle had shared in America and something Jialing had made for him many times when they were younger and even now.  Paired with her hangover cure, Jianliang felt at home, at peace, in ways that he craved when he was younger.  Now, it brought him back into balance from his stupidity from the night before.

Jianliang looked up after finishing half his bowl, headache already fading. "I take it either Ruki or Ryo called you here?"

Jialing hummed lightly but didn't deny it, taking a sip of her tea instead.  She carefully set down her cup and tilted her head to the side.  Jianliang was pinned by her stare, clear and unwavering, and though he was now taller than her—had been since his growth spurt in his early teens—that stare always stripped away his defenses.  It left him feeling exposed, but Jianliang very rarely had his defenses up around his older sister anyway.

"I heard from Ruki that you weren't answering your phone," she said. "I got here as soon as I could, of course, but you stopped yourself before alcohol poisoning."

"I've always stopped myself," Jianliang said quietly, looking straight into Jialing's eyes. "After...  After Michelle...  We promised ourselves that we wouldn't go too far again."

He wasn't an alcoholic.  He may enjoy its recreational use a little too much, but he'd never stepped into that abyss.

He and Michelle had stopped each other, and then Jin'an always made sure of it.

Jialing knew the full story though, and so she was kind enough not to prod further. "I just wanted to check on you."

"I thought you were on shift today," Jianliang said guiltily.

"I traded," Jialing dismissed. "I'm here for you, _Daidai_.  So, as your _Jeje_ , I want to hear everything from you."

Jianliang knew where to begin.  After the stupidity of his youth, self-reflection was something he strongly practiced, and so with this knowledge he was able to clearly state, "I was a dick yesterday."

Jianliang told her everything, from start to finish.  About meeting Kenta and then thinking he'd be all right with seeing Takato.  About how wrong he was, and the harsh words—but true feelings—he'd spoken and what Takato had shouted back.  About his breakdown and drinking until he was numb.

By the time he was finished, both their bowls were empty, but Jianliang hid behind a glass of water.  Jialing wasn't judgmental though.  She had a calm, steady look on her face, which comforted him in his darkest moments.

Jianliang idly wondered what he'd done to deserve such a wonderful sister.

Jialing leaned back and closed her eyes once.  When she opened them, they had the same clear gaze. "You need to talk to him again.  Explain yourself some more, without lashing out.  Don't apologize if you don't mean it though," she added when Jianliang opened his mouth. "If what you said is true, don't apologize for true words, just the tone."

Jianliang nodded.

"You need to do it soon, too, but only when you're ready, Jianliang.  Only when you're ready."

Jianliang took in a shuddering breath, rolled it around his chest, and then released it, exhaling his tension with it. "I get it, Jialing.  Yeah, I get it."

Time and anger...  Jianliang regretted yesterday, yes, but only for the way the words had been delivered.  There was still a raw wound on his heart.  He still ached fiercely, and there was no guarantee that that monster in his chest wouldn't break free again.

Jianliang stood and crossed to the other side of the table, drawing Jialing into a tight hug.

"I love you, _Jeje_ ," he whispered into her hair.

"Love you too, _Daidai_ ," she said back.

His own time.

It had to be on his own time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation Notes:
> 
> Cantonese:
> 
> My Use (Characters): Yale Romanization: Translation  
> [1] _Baba_ (爸爸): Bābā: Father (informal)  
>  [2] _Yehyeh_ (爺爺): Yèhyèh: Paternal grandfather (informal)  
>  [3] _Mahmah_ (嫲嫲): Màhmàh: Paternal grandmother (informal)  
>  [4] _Daaiyeh_ (大爺): Daaihyèh: Paternal older uncle (informal)  
>  [5] _Guma_ (姑媽): Gūmā: Paternal older aunt  
>  [6] _Daidai_ (弟弟): Daihdaih: Younger brother  
>  [7] _Jeje_ (姐姐): Jéjé: Older sister  
>  [8] _Peidan Sauyok Jok_ (皮蛋瘦肉粥): Pèihdáan Sauyuhk Jūk: Preserved egg and lean meat congee


End file.
